American Horror Story: Coven Episode 3 Recap/Review
We’re approaching the halfway point of this season! Here we are on episode 4 titled “The Replacements.” It’s late at night and Fiona is having difficulties sleeping. She reaches for her pills and empty pitcher. Aggravated, she ventures to the Ancestor Room where apparently the liquor is stored. She downs her pills with alcohol (Note: NEVER EVER DO THIS!), and starts having a flashback to her youth. She is standing in the same room with the former Supreme, Anna-Lee Leighton (Christine Ebersole). Young Fiona (Riley Voelkel) asks the Supreme how she knew she was the next in-line for the title. She explains that she had to prove it by demonstrating the “Seven Wonders” (Of the world? How does one demonstrate that?) in front of the council. YF meant in her gut, deep in her bones, how did she know? Anna-Lee replied that it was once she started accumulating multiple powers. Even so, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s the next Avatar. YF becomes confrontational, as her character is, and points out all the Supreme’s health issues as well how much her own powers have grown. The Supreme refuses to pass her power on to YF and points out YF’s flaws and selfishness. Deciding not to wait any longer, YF kills the Supreme with a knife. A younger Spalding (The Butler) witnesses the event and says nothing (As a matter of fact, he hasn’t said a word since episode 1!)
Fiona is having another flashback. This time, she is in some sort of club full of attractive individuals but she is her current age. She is recounting the days of picking men up in the narration (At least it’s how I am interpreting this sequence.) but in the images we see, she is focused on one individual. Back in the present time, she is meeting with a plastic surgeon. She is trying to get a face lift and requests to see a video on how the procedure is done. She wants to know exactly what they’re going to do to her and it sounds horrifying.
Zoe has decided to reach out to Kyle’s mother, Alicia Spencer (Mare Winningham), to see how she’s doing. She’s a complete mess. It’s difficult to tell if her current appearance is because of the death of her only son, or if she’s always looked that way. As she smokes the stash of pot she found in Kyle’s room, Alicia tells Zoe about Kyle’s life and the difficulties he’s experienced. She also confesses that she was about to hang herself. Zoe’s phone call had saved her. Feeling so much pity and guilt, Zoe promises Alicia that she will see her son again.
It appears the Academy has new neighbors! A family consisting of quite an attractive son (Meow!) and one overprotective (Most likely hella Christian) mother. Nan, Queenie, and Madison admire the view he provides as he takes off his shirt while unloading the moving truck. His mother quickly appears and commands him to go inside to put a shirt on (BOOOOO!) and notices the girls on the balcony, especially Madison.
The Madame is watching the Magic Box (What we commonly refer to as a “TV.”) and is bawling her eyes out. She has just learned that Obama is our President. Fiona explains to her that not only did she vote for him, twice, but that blacks have been holding positions in government offices for many years now. The Madame refuses to believe this. Fiona then announces that Madame is the new maid! Or she goes back in the box.
With an odd choice of a fisheye lens, we see the girls attending lunch, or brunch, with a mediocre spread of food. Considering the fact that they have to share rooms, it’s no surprise that the food is under whelming. The new maid walks into the room and starts to serve two of the girls but is refusing service to Queenie. Once more they have a confrontation. Instead of serving Queenie the food, she throws it against the wall! Fiona makes her appearance just as Queenie is about to strike the Madame. She hears of what’s going on and makes it well known that she absolutely hates racists. To make her point clear, she makes Delphine Queenie’s personal maid. Hopefully this will straighten out the ex-socialite!
Back at the shack in the swamp, Misty continues to listen to Fleetwood Mac with a very bored and uncaring Kyle. Zoe returns and an excited Misty joyfully shows off the wonders she has done to heal Kyle’s sutures. She straddles Kyle and unbuttons his shirt (Did she really need to straddle him?). Zoe stares in wonder at the almost completely healed bonds and asks Kyle if he remembers her. He replied by stroking her hair (Awww!). Misty is JEALOUS! And it didn’t help when Zoe announced that she is returning Kyle to his mother. Misty immediately clings to him and starts fuzzing that he should stay with her because of everything he has done for him at this point. Kyle pushes her off and they head out. Misty is left looking as though she is about to have a meltdown because boyfriend just left her for another witch.
Nan and Madison decide to welcome the neighbors to the neighborhood! Nan brings along a delicious looking cake and Madison simply brings a scandalous attire. They have a bit of a competition to see which one gets Mr. Ab’s attention. He greets the girls and introduces himself as Luke (Alexander Dreymon). Madison comes on too strongly and Nan wins with his favorite cake (The way to a man’s heart IS through his stomach!). Madison is annoyed that the cake won. He mentions he has no TV nor internet (How does he live?!) so he doesn’t know who Madison is. His mother (Patti LuPone) makes her appearance and interrupts the conversation. She greets and thanks the girls for the cake but says they’re running late for bible study and they’ll share the cake with their congregation. Madison mocks religion and says why wait for later when you can have something good now. The mother stops Madison as she attempts to cut the cake but in their struggle, Madison sends the knife flying cross the room into the wall. The mother exiles the girls from the house and forbids them from approaching her and her son. An angry Madison discovers a new power as she sets the curtains on fire and they make their exit (Achievement Unlocked: Fire Bender).
Fiona and Cordelia at their respective medical appointments and each learn that they have something wrong in their blood work. Because of this, Cordelia is unable to ever get pregnant. Fiona cannot receive any elective surgery of any kind because her health deteriorating way too quickly (This family is so cursed).
Zoe returns Kyle to his mother by dropping him off at the front door as she hides. His mother is surprised to see him and drags him into their home.
Later that evening, the new neighbor visits the Academy and finally introduces herself. Her name is Joan and she is there to speak to Fiona. She informs her of the girls visit and Madison’s attire. She is concerned of the long-term effects it’s going to have on her son (Probably just inspire him to masturbate.) to which Fiona replies with her observations on Christians. She says she finds them to be hypocrites and the biggest perverts behind closed doors. Outraged, the mother demands they stay away (In Jesus’s name!) or she’ll press charges in regards to assault with a deadly weapon and arson. She now has Fiona’s attention. Because of arson, not charges. Madison makes an appearance and wishes Joan luck on keeping her son away from her. Once Joan leaves, Fiona asks Madison for a light for her cigarette. She obliges with her newly found power.
Kyle is in his bed when his mother walks in to speak to him (Mind you he’s yet to say a word since his return from death.). She comments on how different he and his body are, since she observed it in its entirety when he showered earlier, but she is happy he is back. She leans in and gives him a loving kiss…which lingers. Still lingering. What’s going on? Where is that hand going? (I’m getting chills!) She proceeds to sexually abuse him. His face in contorted in discomfort and agony as soon as this situation went from good-touch to bad-touch.
Having no other options left, Cordelia decides to seek help from the Queen of Voodoo. The Queen has quite the Voodoolicious thrown and apparently plays solitaire on her iPad in her spare time. Cordelia tries to explain to her who she is and what she wants but the Queen is well aware of both. She holds a detailed recipe for a 100% guarantee of a bun in the oven that Cordelia really wants. It calls for a mason jar with 2 oz. of the husband’s ‘baby gravy’ (Marie’s words, not mine.), dancing, and singing/chanting (The kind you see in the Discovery Channel, or used to.), an extremely hot habanero pepper, straight out of the fire to get the attention of the gods, and a goat to be sacrificed of course! After everything is said and done then Queen is to then pass out for 4 days and 4 nights (Just let her lay there and simmer in low heat!). In addition to this the Queen requires $50,000 up front and it has to be done on the night of the new moon. Cordelia agrees to the terms and immediately wants to get the details straighten out but the Queen simply laughs in her face and tells her she would never help her out. No amount of money in the world would change her mind. Fiona has destroyed that bridged and intensified the already heated rivalry. Poor Cordelia is crushed.
The following morning (I think), Zoe receives an alarming call from Alicia. She immediately leaves the Academy and heads to the Spencer household.
Fiona and Madison are enjoying…brunch? At a café and discuss Madison’s rapidly growing powers. Fiona teaches her a Jedi mind trick on a random pedestrian. Madison convinces a man, with her mind, to stand in the middle of the road. He does and he almost gets hit. Madison is fascinated.
Much later that evening, Queenie is enjoying her new maid by having her prepare meals. Delphine comments on Queenie’s weight and how she’d lock up the fridge if she were her daughter. Queenie responds with an explanation she once heard Dr. Phil give in regards of children from broken homes seeking comfort in food. The Madame recommends she find a new physician. In that instant, the Madame hears some odd sounds outside and investigates by looking out the window. She sees her old Minotaur! Frightened, she locks up the door (Which has way too many locks for a kitchen door.) and tells Queenie they have to hide! She explains how the Minotaur was once her house boy and had had relations with her daughter. This was his punishment and now he’s back for her. Finally figuring out who her maid is, Queenie says she deserves what she has coming. The Madame falls to her knees and begs her to help her. Queenie then commands her to hide but not before she cuts the Madame and grabs a napkin to soak some of her blood. The Madame runs deeper into the mansion to hide while Queenie ventures outside to seek the Minotaur. She lures him with the napkin to the green house and speaks to him. She tells him that she understands what happened and how he only wanted to be loved. She knows this because she too wants to be loved. Which she demonstrates by pleasuring herself and offering herself to him (Precious! What are you doing?!). After a few uncomfortable moments of this going on, the Minotaur is technically also being stimulated (It is her power to project what happens to her onto others!), so he caresses her with his horn as he slowly goes to stand behind her. Suddenly he covers her mouth. End of scene!
From one questionable situation to the next, back at the Spencer household, Kyle is in his room when his mother comes in announcing that Zoe is to visit. She doesn’t understand why Kyle has never mentioned her before, comments on what a wonderful girl she is, and understands that one day he was going to move on from her. Admitting the possibility of Zoe never knowing him as well as her, she begins to grind on him (I think I’m going to throw up.). Angered, Kyle pushes her off him and begins to beat her to death with a trophy (Or lamp, can’t recall.).
Fiona and Madison are now at a bar. Madison is playing pool and flirting with boys while Fiona is enjoying her drink. She sees herself in Madison when she was her age, quite literally at one point. A red flag is raised when Madison and Fiona cheer from their locations and Fiona dumps her drink while Madison consumes hers (Poisoned?!).
Zoe finally arrives only to find the house eerily quiet (She left in the middle of the day and arrives when night has fallen. Either the Spencers live very far or she is just slow.). She goes to Kyle’s room only to see Alicia’s bloodied corpse. She turns to leave and encounters a blood-covered Kyle standing in the doorway. She screams.
After a wonderful evening in town, the ladies return to the Academy. They had a small chat about portraits for the Ancestor Room and the former Supreme. The conversation branches into her telling Madison that she is the next Supreme. Madison doesn’t believe it but Fiona insists it’s true. She explains that Madison’s power have been growing because she is absorbing them from her leaving her closer and closer to death. She goes on to say that she has cancer with less than a year to live. A now worried Madison tries to offer help with her connections but Fiona turns it down. She doesn’t want to die with the signs of chemo. She’d rather die as she lived, in style. She tells Madison of what happened to the old Supreme and tries to convince her to do the same to her. They have a small scuffle with Madison against the idea of killing her and Fiona for it. Suddenly Fiona quickly flicks the knife across Madison’s neck and trickles of blood start pouring out. Madison is dead. Fiona lights up a cigarette and sits unfazed. Spalding witnessed the event and simply waits for Fiona’s orders. She tells him to bury her deep and wonders how the toxins in Madison’s body will affect the front lawn in the following spring (Such an environmentalist!). Luckily Woodhouse has no need to fetch a rug for she had the decency to land on one. Her final words are, “This coven doesn’t need a new Supreme. It needs a new rug.”
Total death count: 3 (Possibly 4 since Queenie’s state is unknown!) and one goat.